You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
