I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
