Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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