After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
