Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
