idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
