I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
