If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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