I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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