Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
