The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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