I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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