I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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