This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sarcasm needs its own font
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
