Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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