I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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