The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize