so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So much rum. So many feels.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
