Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
