i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
