i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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