Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
