Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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