I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Where did you get a picture of my penis
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Randomize
