Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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