so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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