did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
