Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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