I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my shit smells like andre
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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