it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
