Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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