We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
