You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
