he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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