im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
