I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
