cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
love makes seman taste better
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
