used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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