one might say we're banned from that church
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
