i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
