I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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