Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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