My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
