genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
