And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
