It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
