Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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