just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
