LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
