man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
