i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
