Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
