Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
