Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
