We won't sleep together?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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