And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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