well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
