what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
