I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
another moral hangover. fuck.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The best revenge is premature balding
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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