Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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