I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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