why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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