I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
