Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
