Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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