Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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