i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
