His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
