he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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