Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
