I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
