I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So squirting runs in the family.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
