I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
