he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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